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[personal profile] gyroscopy
I've been home (the sweet, sweet suburbs of DC) for spring break a few days now, catching up on being a human (well-balanced meals!?) but still feeling latent anxiety about the past few weeks of school and preemptive anxiety about the weeks to come. Trying to just breathe and enjoy this time off with my family but I feel like there's this constant pressure on my chest making my heart race at a thousand miles a minute.

Part of the problem is I have so many unfinished projects at home (the film camera I keep meaning to use, the eternally looming Euro-Trip Scrapbook Endeavor, a billion recipes to make, a trillion unread books). I always have extravagant plans of finishing at least one of them, but my time at home usually zips by in a flash and before I know it I'm back at the train station and all I've accomplished is the viewing of a lot of bad television with my mom and not much else. I should probably take it easy on myself and lower my expectations for a scant week at home, but I feel like this is symptomatic of a larger problem I have with never finishing what I start. All I do is make endless to-do lists and never actually get around to to-doing. For instance, my great plans for a strict health/exercise/nutrition regimen of 2015 have amounted to me being at my heighest weight ever (essentially one large molecule of carbohydrate) with horrible skin. I'm so frustrated with myself for not being able to follow through on stuff that other people find so simple. I'm even behind on updating this journal, which is the lowest-pressure commitment imaginable.

Anyway, so that this entry is not just a whiny stream of consciousness, I pledge to myself the following: I will be productive tomorrow. I will do a little bit of schoolwork to prove to myself it's not an insurmountable task. I will pick one at-home project and, at the very least, start it. Upon my return to NY, I will make an actual gym plan and stick to it. I will cease to be on an all-burger diet.

Also I have done some actual fun things at home beyond being anxious and berating myself. I went to the National Gallery of Art and looked at some things. I got my parents hooked on House of Cards. My dad supports my odd new fountain pen obsession and gave me the fountain pen he used to use in the 70s. I had dinner with my friend Sydney, who goes to Georgetown Law (we commiserated). Things aren't so bad.

Date: 2015-03-17 10:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Don't beat yourself up for enjoying a week of relaxation, it sounds like you needed it.

I have a similar problem, especially with my health/weight: big plans, little action. Take things one itty step at a time, even if it's just 20 minutes of exercise a day, driving less and walking more or restricting yourself to one little sweet treat a day. It's hard at first but you can do it! :)

Date: 2015-03-17 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Enjoy your time at home! You don't have to be productive, it's why it's called a break ;)

[ps don't listen to me I'm super lazy]

Date: 2015-03-17 01:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I get that way sometimes. It seems like the more I have to do, the more wigged out I get about doing it.

Date: 2015-03-17 02:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm also constantly making to-do lists, so don't worry- it's not just you! Plus it's hard to lose weight in the winter anyway.

Date: 2015-03-19 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I am the same way whenever I go home. I always make a list of all of the productive things I need to try and do, but I too usually end up watching bad TV with my mother. The EuroTrip Scrapbook Endeavor sounds fun though! I have a ton of maps / photos / tickets from the last time I was in Europe and I still haven't gotten around to scrapbooking them all.
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